Mikey G, please come back home soon.

Please do.

I miss you so bad right now.

Best to be Read at Home - Between Michael George and Me

Hey babe good morning.

I saw that today's your last day at work. So does that mean you're gonna start school soon too when you get home to States?

I don't know how to start this, but I need to get over it. So yeah, here it goes -

I like you, I really really do, trust me on that. But I don't want to get into the way of you and Wyatt. When you said that you should've kept me as a friend, it did hurt me. I have been through enough Michael, emotionally. My baby(Pravina) likes you and so does my sister. Before I met you, I can't feel anything - empty. That's how I managed to be with those douchebags before you for that long. Then you came, and I was telling myself to not let anything happen.

But you know very well, it was a little too late. You asked my sister for permission to bring me out that night! On the same night you promised her you take care of me. Again, I thought that was bullshit, honestly. Then I met you, at your place. And I know the inevitable happened. If you're local, you know what I would say to you right now? It'd be "Cheebye ah, aku da suka kan kau!" which if it were to be translated, "Fuck, I've fallen for you." I missed a whole day of murdering sheeps to go out on a date with you! That pretty much sums up everything I was saying.

All I'm trying to say is, the days spent with you was priceless. I was happy, contented. You made me laugh, you tickled me hard, you squeezed me and squash me till I feel as though my back's breaking and you throw me around. You made me feel again, Mikey. And I thank you for that.

So now, I've felt all the good things, I don't want to feel the bad ones. I don't wanna go through another heartache. I don't know why I'm so heavy, so insecure right now. And the only possible reason is because I don't want to lose you. Now, that sounds pretty weird but that's the reason.

I just want you to be happy. No, that's a lie. I wanna be happy too. I want you to be happy with your Son. I don't know what's happening right now with you and Cassie in regards to Wyatt. But I really don't want to be the reason why you don't get to see your Son anymore. I care for you, Mikey. I care about how you feel.

I don't know where this is going between us, but please let me know. The ball is in your side of the court right now. I'll be here for you, baby. No matter what. Just don't leave me hanging. I know you like me, you never fail to remind me every single day while you were in Singapore. But when you told me that you've fallen for me, that took this whole thing to a different level. Now I know you're serious, which made me happy. But right now, you need to be happy.

You'll be going back to the States on 14th. And I don't know where you'll be after that. But if this were to continue, between me and you, I'll make sure this long distance thing works out until I save enough money to visit you and meet your mom, that is how much I like you (plus the things I remember about you - like you don't ever take medicines when you're sick, and how you don't really like drinking liquor from the bottle, but you can take shots, and how you're a smoker and not a what's-that-thing-that-adam-took again?). But if it doesn't work out, let's end it in a very clean-no-fighting kinda way. But if you want me to wait until you've sort everything out, talk to your mom, do whatever you gotta do, just let me know. And I'll wait, but please not too long. It's hard enough not seeing you, but not hearing from you? . I am very reasonable and my mindset is very much different from most girls (that's why I don't get along well with them), so it's okay if you gotta be brutally honest with me in regards to what your heart really desire. Like how you wanna be with your family but you have unfortunately fallen for me. I believe things will work out they way you want them to, if you make the right decisions.

Just one thing, don't leave me hanging. Because I really can't tolerate with that.

Go and enjoy with your boys and your friends before you fly back to the States.

I'll be waiting to hear from you.


hugsandkisses
Your Princess ♥

P.S: At least now you know something about me now.

Where's the Man whom I've loved?

What is Love?

I feel so empty now,

Just wanna run away from everyone.

But they are not at fault - NO!

But what should I do now?

There's no way where we could be like before.

I hope that there's a way.

But I don't even know where he is right now!

Tomorrow's school and my heart's not right.

I'm not in my right mind.

Everything that I've done,

Everything that I'm doing

All comes down to him.

But where is he now, I wonder?

And why is he doing this to me?

Is it ever so hard for him to tell me what's happening?

But where is he?

Does he know that I miss him?

So badly?

I don't wanna cry myself to sleep tonight.

For once in Two weeks, I want to be able to sleep peacefully.

I want to be able to go to sleep knowing that he's right there, for me.

That he still do Love Me, and Want Me.

I want that secure feeling that he used to give me.

The feeling of being Loved and Protected.

I want my Monster back!

*sobs sobs*

Every time when I'm with him, I realized that every single time when she calls, he wouldn't talk to her nicely. And for this week alone, I met him for 5 days. :/

What if he is only with her cos he couldn't say those hurtful words?

What if he is only with me cos she don't have the time for him?

But whatever it is, I want him to be mine, and only mine.

i have finally bought my fishing stuff. it cost me nearly 40 bucks sia. but its okay. i bought something for Monster as well. the thing like macam cool like that, its a soft jig uhh. but damn cool uh, better than the one we bought at Beach Rd.

Talking about Beach Rd, my crave for Tulang Merah wasn't satisfied last night. Grrrr.. Cos i had Wanton Noodle for buka last night. :/

So tonight Monster coming over to take his fishing stuff that i've bought for him - for next week's fishing trip. :D Maybe he can belanja me makan eh? Hopefully ah. Today, i dunno what to eat for buka. Cos i'm damn broke boy.

In any case, fishing/prawning/crabbing is still a hobby of mine. Though I just started, but i've already got the hang of it, cos i have been using Monster's rod and he have been teaching me quite a number of useful stuff actually. :)

I love him, Monster. I really do.

why monster? why? why cant you make up your mind? why do you keep pulling me in when i'm ready to stand on my own two? why do you ALWAYS have to make me fall for you over and over again? oh, why do i love you so much??

YOUR WORDS

=

IS HOPE

=

DISAPPOINTMENT

FUCK YOU!

DO I HAVE TO REPEAT THIS AGAIN?

THAT NO MATTER WHATEVER HAPPENS -

I WILL ALWAYS

ALWAYS

LOVE YOU

MUHD IQBAL BIN JAFFAR

yes, i think i think too much. but then again, how can i not think when you are the one who keeps on disappearing like some magician on Las Vegas? if i don't think and if i don't care so that just means that i don't love you anymore right? oh well, but on the downside of it, if i don't think too much, then most probably i won't hurt myself that much right? so now what would i need to do?maybe i would just not text you or call you and see whether you would find for me. if you don't, well that's just it right?

droopy eyes but i can't get to sleep. asshole.

WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT ALL I WANT IS YOUR ATTENTION?!

AND THAT I'VE LOVED YOU UNCONDITIONALLY.

FUCK YOU BITCH!

I HATE YOU.

PERIOD.

So here I am sitting in my living room, thinking what to do.

Seriously, I do not know what to do.

I've had it for today.

Looking forward to tomorrow.

Cos I'm going Kaplan.

And there's the Weekends(Bored!).

And Monday Tanjong Pagar.

Truthfully I can't wait for school to start.

And at the same time I'm also excited if I were to get a job with Avvenues Pte Ltd.

I'm contented with what I have right now.

Even though they might not be true.

But somehow deep inside I feel Lost.

And maybe that's because of Monster.

He have been pushing me away.

And yet pulling me back.

Maybe I should just play along with his games?

Or whatever you'd want to call this.

Yeah, unless I know that this is going to work out,

I AM NOT GIVING 100% OF MY HEART TO HIM.

Though I think I might be the lucky few who've seen him cry.

And have a short insight of who he is.

Slowly I am beginning to know who the real

Muhd Iqbal Bin Jaffar

really is beneath the happy-go-lucky exterior.

I am not pissed at you cos of the way you treat me.

You treat me just fine.

You loved me.

You take really good care of me, welfare and everything.

But today I woke up feeling pissed at you.

Cos when we are supposed to spend time together, you decided to go somewhere else instead.

I may be selfish now, but I don't care.

It's our time now.

Why don't you put that in your priority list?

And you still have the cheek to say that you are going to be back home by midnight.

If this is how it would be if ever I were to be your wife, I don't know how long I could take any longer.

I know you loved me, but I guess you just don't love me enough.

I'm not asking for cars or diamonds.

I am just asking for you to be mine, just mine.

Why is that ever so hard for you?

And why in the world would you need someone else if you've already got someone that you care for so much that you couldn't even bear to let her go?

Oh, wait. I guess that's another one of your mind games so that I would think that way. Another one of your sweet talking shits eh?

I always wished to think that you loved me like no other.

But there wasn't any hopes from you that I could think that way.

I just don't know what else to do, how to feel anymore.

Just go and die Bitch.

Waiting for him to come back home. In the mean time I do not know what to cook. Pity him later he'll be hungry when he gets back home. But then again I seriously do not know what to cook. Hahaha. And I like my new skin. Very the uber cool. So anyway now I'm watching The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron. Come back home faster Babirusa. I'm very lonely here. And Kiki is still missing. :( So anyhoos I don't have any plans today. I don't know what to do. And I don't know where to go.

Faster Come Back Home BabiRusa!

I am counting down the hours to 2300hours tomorrow night. (ooh btw I wanna watch Drop Dead Diva on TV first)

Monstaaah! I love you la. Hahahaha.

Anyhoos come tomorrow night, Hallelujah! It's time to PARTAAAY! Yipeedee doo! I am super fucking-ly excited.

I'm missing quite a number of people. Well, q huge number of people have gone missing from my Life. But hey, that's okay! They'll come back. And I'll find them.

So back to the topic. Yay. Monster nak go JB on Friday. :/ Ok la. So long he happy. :D

Sniffles Cough Cough

I've been sick for the past 3 days. *sniffles* And every single night for the past 2 nights Monstaah have been calling me but I did not pick his calls up cos I was already in a very deep sleep.

"Sorry baby, cos I wasn't feeling too well for the past few days."

Now I am counting down the days! YAY! I can't wait for the adventures to come. So awesome-ly cool! It's going to be super fun to be able to spend almost a week with Monstaaaah! :)

I Love You dear.

P.S: HAPPY 20TH PRAVINA BITCH! I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU SOMEDAY NEXT WEEK YAH?

Love You Bitch!

Pissed

Work was okay. I came back really happy from work - but of course pretty much tired. Kamal gave me a Pink and White Rose from the event just now. Hah! Totally unexpected. And I'm getting used to taking care of the whole Ben & Jerry's alone from opening till closing. Oh well. But I still prefer the Banquet Team or the Bongo Team. I work with Aunties sia at B&J - I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, just that I've got no idea what to talk to them. LOL.

And so I thought I was going to go home peacefully. Well everything was peaceful until I reached home.

Goodness! Wake up la the two of you. You guys are fucking MATURE enough to settle things on your own. I mean you guys have got your own family and children so please stop making things so fucking obvious! And so what if she doesn't wanna answer your question?! You are the Man, make her answer your questions! And don't just because of one failed try, you're trying to bring me into the problem, asking me to find out what the hell is wrong with the both of you! C'mon la. Fucking grow up la can please! For your and Our own good! It's your problem. And the last person you wanna ask for help is ME! I am barely making it in my own life and you're making it worse.

I wanna run, far away from them. I don't want them to depend on me just to get THEIR adult problem to get solved. Go fucking talk between the two of you! Go to a fucking marriage counsel or something!

I miss you fuck.

You

I was on my way home from work and I was having this particular conversation with a friend. And that conversation makes me miss you more Dear One. And I have to admit that I really do. :(

This Man

This Man I Love. This Man, seriously. The same. But this Man makes me happy in Life. Nonetheless, this Man is the same as the other 3 (or 4?).

But then again, I Love this Man.

I guess God made me this obstacle for the 4th time running because He didn't want me to give up? Eh? What say you? Just don't leave me, please.

I don't like to lie. I can never lie to my Boyf. I suck so much in lying that I need to reveal the truth ASAP. Not really the truth but only part of the truth. There are things that he don't need to know, you see. ;) Well either way, I am still gonna fetch him from his work place tonight at 9pm. KaySiaow. But okay la. Miss him what.

I AM AN ALCOHOLIC UNDEFINED.

YAY! happy happy me.

Don't Ever.

All I want is for you to Hold Me Tight and Never Let Me Go.

All I want is for you to have the courage to go through this together.

All I want is for you to believe that WE can, YOU can.

All I want is for you to have faith.

Not in yourself, not in me, but in US.

I have a lot of things to say to you, dear boyy.

Things like I don't really mind your mind-fucking games. Its just that sometimes it turns into heart-fucking games. And that sucked. Big time. I love you Sayang, and I don't want you to change and stop all these funny games that you are playing, giving me clues and sorts. Because we had fun that way, our own unique way. BUT for every 2-3 days you keep on playing with my heart (and feelings), i also cannot tahan. Please do not tell me that you can?? -.-''

"3. You respect him. You don’t want to change the essence of who he is. There may be stuff that irritates you in everyday life — he insists on wearing his favorite holey T-shirt, he eats sugar cereal for dinner, he still watches Saturday morning cartoons — but you like him, plain and simple."

- from my own tumblr post

Thats how much I don't want you to change. Get it Bitch?

And I miss you, I really do. :( I miss your voice, I miss your texts, I miss your lips. I just miss everything about you.

Simple enough you should just read my tumblr post under the Title :

15 Signs that You're Meant To Be Together.

Scroll down till you get the Title.

I really do want this to work out, I really do.

Things that I am looking forward to w.i.e:

1. Sentosa with Mr Idiot.
2. Batam with my Cousins.
3. Ungu at City Plaza
4. Ungu's Mega Concert

Movies to watch:

1. How To Train Your Dragon
2. When in Rome
3. Shrek Forever After
4. Sex & The City 2
5. Toy Story 3
6. The Karate Kid
7. Eclipse
8. Step Up 3-D
9. Nanny Mcphee and the Big Bang
10. Resident Evil: Afterlife 3-D
11. Jackass 3-D
12. Saw VII
13. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1
14. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

Yeah omg. that's like a whole list la. haha

A note to Ii

I asked Ii yesterday, "What would you answer if there's anyone were to ask when is our anniversary?" And there was this one looooong awkward moment between me and him. *crick crick crick* In which he finally answered "7th March." Hahaha.

To tell you the truth even I do not know when we officially got together. And that's because that no questions were being asked. Funny huh? Funnier part? Is that I've met him 3 years back - waaaaaay before I met Fifi OR Zaidi. Cool eh?

He sometimes reminds me of Abang, cos Abang don't take spicy food as well. Just like my dear boyy. Hehe. :) He is ze best ever. Though there are many times that he never fail to make me think and make me afraid of the "What IFs" questions.

Well this is what I'll say to you:

Dear Boyy,

I do get scared when you post those questions to me - right in the face. And I know it's because that you are the straight-forward type of person (just like Abang). But sometimes I get so scared that I would start thinking that you do actually mean what you are saying. You said, and you told me not to give in. But I'm so sick and tired of getting hurt and having unneccessary fights that sometimes I would just wanna let go and run away.

I may be only 19, but I am sick and tired of all the fucking around, playing a fool, getting hurt in this never-ending game. I am tired of all that, you know? And its true ahh, I'm like hoping to settle down soon. And the fact that I'm already 19 makes it worse la. Though initially I thought of not getting married, cos I'm really scared of the commitment. But if God willing, and I were to get married, I would most prolly be getting married at the age of 24, or somewhere around there - not too old, not too young, just nice. ;)

But I am falling head over heels for my current boyy here, right now. And I really love that feeling.

Dear Boyy, I Do Love You.

♥

fuck march.

it's half way through the week and it seems that this week is a pretty week for me! :)

Saturday 27/02/10: met fid with my very the selekeh clothes. haha. we went to VIVO kan? and shopped at Cotton On. bave, i still want that 10 bucks thingy. doc says my blood sugar is low and so she forced me to eat. haha. had mee soto, but tak habis. ISHK! the after all the shopping (in which we didnt have much to shop for) it was fid's turn to eat. she had fried rice loh. and at the end of the day i had like 2 teh tarik. eh mateen biler nak gi minum teh tarik lagi?? so after that fid drooped at my place. it was like a fucking last minute thing la. hahaha. and (un)fortunately i had her to ask Ii to come down and meet us. FUCK LA. fucking damn funny la. okay, shall keep it to the three of us. then okay la. we all chatted till 0500am. :) miss you bitch.

Sunday 28/02/10: was supposed to go drinking with the rest but (un)fortunately i made plans with Ii. was quite last minute too. had a walk at boat quay and also supper there. had a couple of drinks and also quite a long chit chat la. haha. but that's about it. was awesome though.

Monday 01/03/10: i had work and it was 1300hrs to 2100hrs. i only go out at about 2130hrs la. hahaha. talked to Mateen for a while at checkpoint and when i was about to go home somebody asked "you never wait for me ah? why go back home so early?" goodness, how i wished i could wiat for you la. but i'm like working morning the next day la deyy. so anyhoos, my presentation was A-okay. ;) yay to me. reach work and was talking to Abang Zul about school and stuff. haha. :) happy happy me.

Tuesday 02/03/10: Morning shift shit la. then followed my guys to make their security pass. and then met up with Fid and we went shopping again. to bugis street. and i bought paris hilton siren. hahaha. best! and then we met up with Ii and we had dinner at arab st. fucking hungry la sia. then we split up and the rest is history.

i had a tight slap on my face last night when all truths came out. i need to find comfort in somebody, as soon as possible, but i don't know who. i don't know whether to trust them, or are they playing the same game. i don't really know what is going on but i just realised that the person that you might trust the most, though for however long you know the person, he/she might just stabbed you in the back. and this is just because he/she thought somebody else was talking about them. and i don't know whether what they said is true that they're just out there to get me. and some might even hate me, but seriously i do not know what is going on.

this really do get me thinking. and this really scare me alot. like i do not know wat am i going to do for my next move and what is the right step and so forth. it's killing me slowly and i hate it. please help me god.

i need someone to talk to about this but i do not know whoto trust now. i need my girls now. REAL BAD.

just kiss me like how you used to.



i do love you, mister.

hehe, i seriously dont think guys can be so stupid.
did you know?
that boyA read my tumblr posts and thought that it was for him.
when it was all along for boyB.
hahahaha.

so stupid or what?
LOL.

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

seriously, BODOH NAK MAMPOS!

i feel so sad, now all i can do is to hope that our path will cross tomorrow. or he will be waiting for me at the ch*******t.

dear abang, i miss you so much. please cure my heart from this disastrous feeling.