DO I HAVE TO REPEAT THIS AGAIN?

THAT NO MATTER WHATEVER HAPPENS -

I WILL ALWAYS

ALWAYS

LOVE YOU

MUHD IQBAL BIN JAFFAR

yes, i think i think too much. but then again, how can i not think when you are the one who keeps on disappearing like some magician on Las Vegas? if i don't think and if i don't care so that just means that i don't love you anymore right? oh well, but on the downside of it, if i don't think too much, then most probably i won't hurt myself that much right? so now what would i need to do?maybe i would just not text you or call you and see whether you would find for me. if you don't, well that's just it right?

droopy eyes but i can't get to sleep. asshole.

WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT ALL I WANT IS YOUR ATTENTION?!

AND THAT I'VE LOVED YOU UNCONDITIONALLY.

FUCK YOU BITCH!

I HATE YOU.

PERIOD.

So here I am sitting in my living room, thinking what to do.

Seriously, I do not know what to do.

I've had it for today.

Looking forward to tomorrow.

Cos I'm going Kaplan.

And there's the Weekends(Bored!).

And Monday Tanjong Pagar.

Truthfully I can't wait for school to start.

And at the same time I'm also excited if I were to get a job with Avvenues Pte Ltd.

I'm contented with what I have right now.

Even though they might not be true.

But somehow deep inside I feel Lost.

And maybe that's because of Monster.

He have been pushing me away.

And yet pulling me back.

Maybe I should just play along with his games?

Or whatever you'd want to call this.

Yeah, unless I know that this is going to work out,

I AM NOT GIVING 100% OF MY HEART TO HIM.

Though I think I might be the lucky few who've seen him cry.

And have a short insight of who he is.

Slowly I am beginning to know who the real

Muhd Iqbal Bin Jaffar

really is beneath the happy-go-lucky exterior.

I am not pissed at you cos of the way you treat me.

You treat me just fine.

You loved me.

You take really good care of me, welfare and everything.

But today I woke up feeling pissed at you.

Cos when we are supposed to spend time together, you decided to go somewhere else instead.

I may be selfish now, but I don't care.

It's our time now.

Why don't you put that in your priority list?

And you still have the cheek to say that you are going to be back home by midnight.

If this is how it would be if ever I were to be your wife, I don't know how long I could take any longer.

I know you loved me, but I guess you just don't love me enough.

I'm not asking for cars or diamonds.

I am just asking for you to be mine, just mine.

Why is that ever so hard for you?

And why in the world would you need someone else if you've already got someone that you care for so much that you couldn't even bear to let her go?

Oh, wait. I guess that's another one of your mind games so that I would think that way. Another one of your sweet talking shits eh?

I always wished to think that you loved me like no other.

But there wasn't any hopes from you that I could think that way.

I just don't know what else to do, how to feel anymore.

Just go and die Bitch.

Waiting for him to come back home. In the mean time I do not know what to cook. Pity him later he'll be hungry when he gets back home. But then again I seriously do not know what to cook. Hahaha. And I like my new skin. Very the uber cool. So anyway now I'm watching The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron. Come back home faster Babirusa. I'm very lonely here. And Kiki is still missing. :( So anyhoos I don't have any plans today. I don't know what to do. And I don't know where to go.

Faster Come Back Home BabiRusa!

I am counting down the hours to 2300hours tomorrow night. (ooh btw I wanna watch Drop Dead Diva on TV first)

Monstaaah! I love you la. Hahahaha.

Anyhoos come tomorrow night, Hallelujah! It's time to PARTAAAY! Yipeedee doo! I am super fucking-ly excited.

I'm missing quite a number of people. Well, q huge number of people have gone missing from my Life. But hey, that's okay! They'll come back. And I'll find them.

So back to the topic. Yay. Monster nak go JB on Friday. :/ Ok la. So long he happy. :D

Sniffles Cough Cough

I've been sick for the past 3 days. *sniffles* And every single night for the past 2 nights Monstaah have been calling me but I did not pick his calls up cos I was already in a very deep sleep.

"Sorry baby, cos I wasn't feeling too well for the past few days."

Now I am counting down the days! YAY! I can't wait for the adventures to come. So awesome-ly cool! It's going to be super fun to be able to spend almost a week with Monstaaaah! :)

I Love You dear.

P.S: HAPPY 20TH PRAVINA BITCH! I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU SOMEDAY NEXT WEEK YAH?

Love You Bitch!

Pissed

Work was okay. I came back really happy from work - but of course pretty much tired. Kamal gave me a Pink and White Rose from the event just now. Hah! Totally unexpected. And I'm getting used to taking care of the whole Ben & Jerry's alone from opening till closing. Oh well. But I still prefer the Banquet Team or the Bongo Team. I work with Aunties sia at B&J - I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, just that I've got no idea what to talk to them. LOL.

And so I thought I was going to go home peacefully. Well everything was peaceful until I reached home.

Goodness! Wake up la the two of you. You guys are fucking MATURE enough to settle things on your own. I mean you guys have got your own family and children so please stop making things so fucking obvious! And so what if she doesn't wanna answer your question?! You are the Man, make her answer your questions! And don't just because of one failed try, you're trying to bring me into the problem, asking me to find out what the hell is wrong with the both of you! C'mon la. Fucking grow up la can please! For your and Our own good! It's your problem. And the last person you wanna ask for help is ME! I am barely making it in my own life and you're making it worse.

I wanna run, far away from them. I don't want them to depend on me just to get THEIR adult problem to get solved. Go fucking talk between the two of you! Go to a fucking marriage counsel or something!